el_gato_fuego

I feel blind.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:18:49 GMT

Things change

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 08:41:46 GMT

Didn't think it would, but I'm relieved to feel better now.

Cut throat

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:37:40 GMT

I got to spend one pleasant evening drinking with friends and actually meeting a couple of the very few girls that mean a lot to me, it was a surprise. Jacqui which was the girl who magically united me with most of the friends I do appreciate today, Ada who was the cute little asian girl of our girl and most certain thought died from not hearing from her in ages(Much like the Resident evil reference which she hates with a passion) and of course my giant girl finally came to ny to visit. I couldn't miss her for the world and of course she treats me like the neko I am, despite my huge amount of desensitization with womanly contact.

Oh they say I should keep cosplaying despite assholes out there. So I will get my act together.

It was a good turn of events because some women in my life who claimed to be loving friends have turned into can of worms just like a bunch of ignorant folk I know. It still bugs me to see such promise tarnish so deeply, like once a beautiful gold shine now nothing but dull rust.

I cut my lip shaving and just a little taste of blood got me antsy enough to want to kill someone. I definitely have berserker tendencies because if I ever saw the sight of my own blood in battle I'd probably be very malicious.

Today was all nervous, revising every little detail I could in my application towards the college I really want to attend. I pray I get accepted this time, it's my best chance at finishing my psychology studies without being around 3000 students. I hate when 3 foreign girls HAVE TO talk to the teacher after class for hours while I just want to ask one question. I did it though, weeks of work and reading to catch up on my writing and I finally did. I'm really worried though, I still have to hand in my recommendations I haven't received yet and my transcripts.

I hope the people I've supported over the years can find the time to support me at the time I need it most. I'd feel a little bad if I had my first boxing match and some people aren't there even though I was there when they needed me most.

You should listen to this

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:32:11 GMT

Time is running out

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 07:37:28 GMT

I am in distress as my need to not worry and fight to prevail is wearing thin. I'm coming to a close to admitting to my past failures and achieving great feat again. I have the skill and I have the will but still worry. I don't have the pride and inspiration that I once had growing up, already 25 and still fluctuating between great things and painful loss.

No matter how willing I make myself, I am still just human and constantly in remorse of those emotions that seem to haunt me everyday. The need to hate that which insults the pride of my friends, family and myself. That void of loneliness inside of you with that special someone that seems to be the only one to understand you through an interlocked feeling of aura, as if I could slow my heart just enough to share rhythm with her's.

It's all depressing and people lack the will to understand the loss of mix feelings past that actual "I been there." mentality. I appreciate not feeling alone in my mourning but it doesn't help light my darkness. It's such a gamble to just roll a dice to see whether I admit defeat and let foolish folk get away with harm to me and walk all over me, react with stubborn pride and start fights that will probably have no end, or stay complete positive and oblivious to all negativity at all.

I see my friends openly communicate so easily, while it still seems difficult for me.

I went through that phase as a adolescent when I wanted to be something I wasn't, like a super-hero. Create some immensely powerful alter-ego that stimulates my self esteem enough ignorantly to rush head strong into anything. I didn't like it too much, but did find that someone saw me as me and not some super alter-ego persona. From then on, I had great pride in myself. I wish I had inspiration like that again, but I doubt anything can replace that.

People seem so hollow being so shallow to each other. Makes me wish I were blind, because people see the weirdest things as being good these days.

To that special someone,

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:24:59 GMT

I know we all have one.

Inspirational

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:02:47 GMT

A friend had showed me this little clip because of a dance routine, I've yet to speculate on the video because I wanted to share my thoughts deeply with it's content.

What we have here is a very brave little video of dancers making a public video without the aid or caution of preventing or warning people of a video prior or during the video. People in the background are allowd to react however they want, most often it's curiousity and other is immediate guilt of accidently straying into the camera. Feeling that it's an insult to the director to be there while they are performing, but it was all a part of the video.

I appreciate this small detail because people who film need to be brave and willing sometimes, fear and caution will only prevent the potential in your ideas. Initiative like this is a lovely addition to the concept of the video, although the actually theme and dance itself was also stunning. All members are wearing business suits in a fairly Business orientated area, so they naturally blend into the environment. The only thing that doesn't blend is their peculiar dance movements. Slow, flowing and accurate movements all coordinated perfectly with the lead. This dance helps prove that the stigma of faster motion equals better dancing while in truth more innovative original movements is what really strikes a constructive mind.

Lastly I think it has a some symbolism towards to it being business suit related, but I would have to check the lyrics to be sure. With this helps reminds me of how it felt to go up on stage and perform, simply for performing and not the need for popularity or an award. Most people have drugged themselves with popularity and resort to brainwashing small communities of friends into fueling this fix positively towards them and negatively towards anyone who they don't like. If their was a way to stop the madness peacefully without negative influence to younger generations I would apply it but it's hard to make a change when being wrongfully attacked myself.

Good observation

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:56:39 GMT

I've used a mac and wasn't drawn in by its open detail to visuals. It always seemed restricted and limited to how I could maintain it without the help of technical support. I did not windows Vista at all, but windows 7 has not given me any problems thus far. I feel that I can find all the useful programs, utilities, software, hardware and games I need with a PC. I don't want to bash on apple but their constant bashing PC themselves is lacking. The only thing good about the new Mac is the Full Resolution of their expensive monitors. (Oddly enough they probably won't even supply you with a video card that can handle it unless you drop a gold bar.)

The new mac immediately! Talk about the display over and over again. The only thing I see as innovative is the mouse, but as with any touch sensitive device. How does it work when the touch sensitive break? Do you have to get another super mouse? The mouse does look awesome though. They talk about power being energy efficient but that's it, they don't say what the efficiency is? You use hardware like that; you are still looking at a 500w and above power supply. Had they said you can always get optimal performance from any low or high output of energy, maybe... but no.

The Hardware is exactly the same as a PC, so technically I can make a Mac. All I need is the OS right now. I dunno, it doesn't appeal to me.

For the ladies

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:23:23 GMT

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE )

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle...

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

From friend's facebook

Home Media Center

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:34:20 GMT

After thinking long and hard about what kind of setup I should build I got a lot of inspiration to try a Home Media setup.

Being able to use your PC as a Home Entertainment center on top having gaming potential is fantastic!

I got a great deal on some Dominator DDR3 1800 ram but the voltages and compatibility isn't good for my i7 or my interest in i5 so I'm going AMD phenom ii this time, which is a bit more affordable.

The list;
Power supply 500w+ 80c
Micro atx, mid atx, full atx, or HTCP setup
Motherboard
CPU - AMD phenom ii x3 2.8ghz
Blueray player
Card Reader
1tb hard drive
Video card - 9800gt or HD 5850
DDR3 ram - (check)

The good news is that I don't have to be restricted to buy a HTCP setup because I can get a receiver for any PC build.

I will probably be selling this type of Setup around $1000 depending on the hardware and software installed. But it will start as a gift for my parents this coming holiday season. I'm going to organize all their favorite movies, shows and music into digital form Everything will be easy for them to use with the remote and via wireless keyboard/mouse be able to chat, skype or browse the web straight from the Sofa. It'll have a blue ray player for Perfect 1080p style movies and more.

I will have an update on this coming November 22 when Left 4 dead 2 comes out and I will be having a semi small Lan party with some of my zombie killing friends with a potential of 3 Computers at my home.

RedBelt

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:47:07 GMT

I just finished watching the movie; I've heard nothing before and after the movie was released whether it was bad or good. It stayed quiet, which honestly I am glad because I got to see it with a clean slate without any tarnish of opinion. Since the movie has been out of theaters I think its fair to give my opinion.

It reminded me that throughout life, there is a handicap... no matter what. The idea of a handicap in a fight through the movie is absolutely symbolic of what real life has to offer. The people you know or don't know have an advantage over those who see life through pure and good but frightened eyes. I've always had a heart for helping and did so, I've help friends cope with tough times personally and confidentially. Those people who have taken my help and end up advised to dislike me due to popular friendship pawn my help and then ridicule it. You should feel ashamed of yourself, betrayal is a sin you can never wash away. Ignorance is no excuse for it either.

I at many points of my life felt I could accomplish anything, I've done many great things that would be considered impossible. But I was only paying a debt, to see someone I know and care about smile was priceless. I was in love once, as true as the love I have for my grandmother and anyone who knows me well enough would know my grandmother means the world to me. I didn't believe I had it in me to handle such a task, not until I knew what it meant to be a man. Now I've seen many things and now I see myself and know I am now.

Redbelt was a good motivator to speak my mind, I wish people would think twice before selling themselves away because I would appreciate the friendships. I have nothing to gain so lying would be a pointless.

So this is my message to you, If you really meant something by now why didn't you show it? You only live once so being true to someone else isn't exactly being true to you. Stop selling out and start living.

Are you game?

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:23:27 GMT

Building Computer

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:47:17 GMT

If you or anyone you know is interested in a Computer let me know.

I can say all the parts I get are optimal for today's technology and not really old parts.
I have three categories

Low Budget Optimal - $500 ie; AMD Athlon ii x4, 1TB HD, 2gb ram, onboard video,
Mainstream - $700 AMD Phenom ii x3 3.0, 4gb ram, 1tb HD, 9800 gt
Enthusiast - $1000 Intel i5 2.66ghz, 4gb DDR3, gtx 260, +

Depending on preference from the need of a quiet computer, portable, gamer, Media and so on.
These are just examples, I built my computer and some for friends. I just keep up with all the latest technology, prices and deals.

This really started out as just helping out some friends save a lot of money.

Be yourself seems to be a target.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:04:43 GMT

Bad Dreams

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 13:29:52 GMT

Been dreaming of war a lot and I find it really weird.

Lum Computer

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 16:04:49 GMT

Only Computer I would consider naming Lum would be this;

Intel i9 Duo TRIFORCE Core with multi-threading at 12 core's potential at 2.4ghz overclock potential a shocking 4.3ghz!

A single Video card that can out perform tri-SLI highest performance current generation video card that can even protect against alpha particles from space... FROM SPACE!? WTF

Well It's gonna be salvaged my x58 with 12gigs of DDR3 Ram set up from what I have probably in 2 years when I earn reasonable income. BUT it'll be worthy of my dream girl nick name for sure. Just high expectation in building a Super Computer.

The Moon is too close for me.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 01:23:23 GMT

Being Capricorn I tend to overflow with too much energy through the moons alignment. While it's soothing rich feeling to have, I have too much of it already and have no real way of releasing that energy unless I have the ability to either fight or fuck. It's troublesome but I feel the sense to write again, as if my writer's block is completely gone. Which is good news seeing as how I need to complete four essays to apply for Eugene Lang in the Spring. Keeping my tail crossed for that because I want to get back to my thesis and studies more intently so I can begin my career sooner.

Right now I really just want to be a boxer, I'm running everyday and taking a couple classes. I don't know, I just want to clear my head from all this loneliness. I constantly think about my ex girlfriend despite being brutally dissed to the point where even people I don't know say it's fucked up and not worth dwelling over. I don't know, I shouldn't have those thoughts but I just do and it's been very demeaning to sleep at night so I don't. I stay up and read or brainstorm about material to write or things I could accomplish.

I've concocted a story idea about Zombies, one being the perspective of an infected human turning zombie but the twist is that his humanity is still in tact but just barely. He has a very slow heart beat so it conflicts with both humans and zombies on his part while he tries to regain his humanity back.

I'm going to be working on building a couple computers for some friends but while I'm doing that I might as well make my own. I'm very proud of my computer but I'm gonna make a second for my parents and some lan party fun.

I'm tired from running, more tired from not knowing what to do. Wish I had friends to talk to but the few I have are busy and the rest are just fairy tales. I sleep too much but I'm gonna sleep it off anyway.

Computer upgrade

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:15:20 GMT

Running SLI via Two 9800 GT, not the best but probably makes my computer think its running a $300 Video Card now.

Selling Custom Anime Painted Bomber Jacket

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 09:24:27 GMT

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/clt/1404372145.html

HDTV 4 sale

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:17:15 GMT

Selling a 26" HDTV 720p 1080i for $300 but willing to sell it to someone I know for cheaper.

Feeling bad when the world changes you...

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:27:54 GMT

Lum <3

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 10:39:27 GMT

Intel update

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:55:38 GMT

If you could count every moment of your life, what number would you be at now?

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 11:12:20 GMT

For every moment my heart beat I knew I would be somewhere I wasn't suppose to be. Every breath I gave was exhaled with fear of existence at this moment. Every decision I ever made had an outcome against me and I always feared. No matter how real I felt I still felt out of this world, indifferent and confused as to why I feel the way I do. Asking or telling the truth would only make my look insane but already telling what the outcome is, I already am... or at least seen that way to others.

This isn't true, not entirely. Everything at this moment is controlled by influence and this influence is part of something greater. The truth is hiding in plain sight and laughing, everything measured between good and evil is irrelevant. Our pathological way of thinking is being scrutinized... I want to say society, but it's bigger than that.

Why do people let go of reality? Why do they choose ignorance over actuality? At some point of everyone's life people cry inside and pray for help. They want out, focus so bluntly on their mental psyche to forget the pain. Disassociate so much against the things that heart thinking about; stress, anxiety, depression all make fear. Fear to live, making the human race stop living but instead be lived as some sort of extension.

Why am I saying this? I don't know entirely, but you block something to feel less and pretend. Why do abusive relationships cycle? Why do people ignore cheating? Why do you manipulate and be manipulated? It's all something for us to be prevented from evolving or at least living. Sacrifice for the better cause of thinking everything is okay when the real shame is that you let it happen.

I don't want to be controlled but I also want to love and live. I can't when everything else is being controlled: Because if you are not a part of the controlled society then you are seen as a threat, threats like that are usual pressured into giving up so that everything can return to being nothing. I fear the people I love are being controlled by bitter emotions and will soon lose sight of who they are. We all lack the light to show the way, but who helps the spark?

It isn't true, everything I am is probably not even true. There is a block in my mind that denies whatever is trying to influence me against my own will. I don't want to forget what I love, I want my truth to stay true and not just another lie. That's why Ai stays where it is on me. So I won't forget even if I lose everything.

Joker was here.

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 03:36:22 GMT